So Be It

im back from my hiatus. i dont even know whether i want to back track on my entries. so much had happened in this few weeks. too much actually. after all, not good to dwell in the past right? unless its pretty memories. =]

i have made up my mind. i will stay here in brisbane. i actually want to. im not so sure what changed my mind, because i am so set on going home. but im pretty sure God has something to do with it.

but i have one big problem.

i finally found out that i failed my Supplementary paper. Miserably. Its astonishing that results shows that i actually did worse than the first time i took the paper. the faculty was holding back our results for so long, i guess that too many people failed this course.

i have never felt so terribly disappointed with myself ever before. i was so stunned that i could not even cry. i just didn't. my heart hardened. i wanted so badly to pass that paper so that I could settle my permanent residency application, quit the cafe, get the job that i wanted, be who i want to be. but things just went really wrong this past few weeks.

the first blow was when my dad found out my police record check application got rejected. typical msians couldnt even stamp properly. 20.07.07 looked like 20.01.07. which could only mean that the money order expired and because of that they will not process the form. and it took them more than 20 days to realise that and contact my Dad. second blow was when the Health Services Australia called me up to postpone my medical check up till september. all the things just shouted "You wont make it for PR now."

and now this.

but there's one thing, I felt God's presense right here right now. So strong. Eventhough I felt like I've been sucked into a black hole, I felt that this is not the end. Even in this time of darkness, I felt free. This is just a slight drawback. One of God's plans. Why this way? I dont really know. Will I ever find out? I'm looking forward to.

Bring it on.

Amazing Freedom.

I then realised I did not cry not because i was too stunned. But because it was Him who bound my broken heart and saved all my tears. Like what I sang in church today during worship.

Say the word and I will sing for You
Over oceans deep, I will follow
If each star was a song
And every breath of wind, praise
It would still fail by far to say
All my heart contains
I simply live, I simply live for You

As the glory of Your presence
Now fills this place
In worship, we will meet You face to face
There is nothing in this world
To which You can be compared
Glory on glory, praise upon praise
You bind the broken hearted
And save all my tears
By Your word, You set the captives free
There is nothing in this world
That You cannot do
I simply live, I simply live for You

Thank you, Lord. Whatever You give, I'll take. Wherever You want me to be, I'll go.

ps: thanks to my friends too, for the eventful friday and wonderful saturday. and especially to you for listening to me vent and movie till 2am just cause I could not sleep.